I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My dad is sitting where you rode me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
