Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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