We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
