Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
