I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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