Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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