I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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