and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
