just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
