I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
