Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The Olympian is in my bed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
