New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize