Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
