She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
