We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
