Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
