my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize