we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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