it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
