pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Two words: nipple clamps
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