you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
