I got chris browned last night
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
