I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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