Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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