all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
