just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
