i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
