It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
