who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
