My room smells like vodka and shame
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
