I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
