Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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