once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
