OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
True but thats because hes a fetus.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
They took my balls.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
