the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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