is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
