Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
