You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
