I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
