now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
