just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
