period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
