I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
