No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
