I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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