why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
