Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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