I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't deserve a penis
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
