he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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