i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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