At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
