my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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