I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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