I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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