Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I stole a fireplace last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
