Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
