I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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