WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
