i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
