so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
