i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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