Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
