i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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