I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
