uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
