he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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