Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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