I accidentally had phone sex last night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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