idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
