I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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