She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
