its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
