I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
